Bald Is Beautiful (2025)

BALD IS BEAUTIFUL; BALD IS GREAT

BALD IS HAVING A NICE CLEAN PATE.

BALD IS WONDERFUL; BALD IS FUN.

IT'S THE SHEEN OF A BEAN IN THE SUN.

BALD IS DIGNIFIED AND REFINED,

LIKE THE SKIN ON AN INFANT'S BEHIND.

ANY WOMAN WHO KNOWS A THING OR TWO

HOPES TO SHARE

AN AFFAIR WITH A MAN WITH NO HAIR.

TEEN-AGE FEMININE TAILS MAY WAG

AT THE SIGHT OF A SHAGGY STAG.

TONGUES WILL SURELY DROP TO THE FLOOR

AT THE FLICK OF HIS THICK POMPADOUR

IF HIS NOODLE'S GOT LOTS OF CURLS

SAVE THAT POODLE FOR SOME LITTLE GIRLS

BUT IF HIS PEAK IS SLEEK AND IS, SO TO SPEAK,

FREE OF FRIZZ,

WOMEN SIGH, “THAT’S SOME GUY AND I’M HIS.

. . . . . . . . .

SO IF YOU'RE NO ROMEO CUZ YOU'RE BALD

BUT YOU’D LIKE HAVING YOUR ASHES HAULED,

ONCE YOU’VE THROWN AWAY YOUR TOUPEE

THEY’LL COMPETE FOR SOME HEAT IN THE HAY.

ONCE YOU’VE LOST THOSE RINGLE-ETS,

THEY’LL SAY, “BABY, SINCE WE'RE SINGLE, LET'S.”

IN A MOMENT’S TIME YOU WILL HAPPILY FIND

YOURSELF SPRAWLED

ON A BED,

MELON-HEAD

YOU’LL GET BALLED.