Bald Is Beautiful (Male Lyric)

BALD IS BEAUTIFUL; BALD IS GREAT

BALD IS HAVING A NICE CLEAN PATE.

BALD IS WONDERFUL; BALD IS FUN.

IT'S THE SHEEN OF A BEAN IN THE SUN.

   BALD IS DIGNIFIED AND REFINED,

   LIKE THE SKIN ON AN INFANT'S BEHIND.

   ANY WOMAN WHO KNOWS A THING OR  2

   HOPES TO SHARE

   AN AFFAIR WITH A MAN WITH NO HAIR.

TEEN-AGE FEMININE TAILS MAY WAG

AT THE SIGHT OF A SHAGGY STAG.

TONGUES WILL SURELY DROP TO THE FLOOR

AT THE FLICK OF HIS THICK POMPADOUR

   IF HIS NOODLE'S GOT LOTS OF CURLS

   SAVE THAT POODLE FOR SOME LITTLE GIRLS

   BUT IF HIS PEAK IS SLEEK AND IS,

   SO TO SPEAK,

   FREE OF FRIZZ,

   WOMEN SIGH,

   “THAT’S SOME GUY AND I’M HIS.”

   HERE THEY COME.  HERE THEY COME.

   GLOWING, BEAMING, SHINING IN THE SUN:

JOHN TRAVOLTA, JEFF BEZOS,

CORY BOOKER, MICHAEL JORDAN.

JAMES TAYLOR, PAUL SHAFFER,

PATRICK STEWART,  GEORGE FORMAN .

BRUCE WILLIS, ED HARRIS,

DWAYNE AND MAGIC JOHNSON,

CHURCHILL, EISENHOWER ,

LARRY DAVID, HOMER SIMPSON.

THERE’S SEAN CONNERY,  BEN KINGSLEY.  THE NAMES COME IN A FLOOD.

THERE’S BUDDHA , GANDHI, POPEYE,

MR. CLEAN AND ELMER FUDD

IF YOU'RE NO ROMEO CUZ YOU'RE BALD

BUT YOU’D LIKE HAVING YOUR ASHES HAULED,

ONCE YOU’VE THROWN AWAY YOUR TOUPEE

THEY’LL COMPETE FOR SOME HEAT IN THE HAY.

ONCE YOU’VE LOST THOSE RINGLE-ETS,

THEY’LL SAY, “BABY, SINCE WE'RE SINGLE, LET'S.”

IN A MOMENT’S TIME, YOU WILL HAPPILY FIND

YOURSELF SPRAWLED

ON A BED

MELON-HEAD

YOU’LL BE BALLED.